Are you planning to become a foster parent? When considering becoming a foster parent, you may imagine what it will be like. However, you will soon face the reality of fostering. To guide you on this journey, we have compiled all the important things prospective foster parents should know before fostering a child. This can help you, especially if you’re deciding whether to foster a child.
1. Fostering a Child Is Not a Job
You should never think of fostering a child as a job; rather, see it as a mission. Love the child as if they are your own. After all, they will become part of your family and leave a lasting impact. Build an attachment with them.
Keep in mind that when you show them healthy attachments, they will seek similar attachments later in life. You may make a significant difference in their life, even if you never see it again, and you should be okay with that.
Letting go can be heartbreaking, but sometimes it is necessary. To help you through these difficult times, make sure you have a strong support system. Remember, fostering a child is not just a job—it’s truly a mission.
2. Fostering a Child Means Loving Them Fully
A piece of your heart will always remain with them, but you are stronger than you think. Be humble and accept that you are not perfect. It’s also important to recognize that you are not their biological parent.
3. Fostering a Child Means Giving Them Autonomy
Do not impose your beliefs on the child, especially if they are old enough to have their own. Instead, work with them and support their development.
4. Face the Reality
Once you become a foster parent, you must reflect on the reality of the situation. Some foster parents may complain about the attitude and defiance of their teens. As a foster parent, you should consider the trauma these kids have experienced. Imagine going from one house to another, often feeling unloved, stressed, and tired. The trauma of feeling unloved is something that rarely goes away.
5. Show Them Love
Sometimes, these children feel terrified when they experience love because it makes them feel vulnerable. Foster parents need to understand how complex that dynamic can be.
6. A Foster Child Can Be Scared
Never assume that foster children are just like everyone else. They are not defined by the forms or what social workers perceive them to be. Often, they have experienced abuse and are scared. Remember, they may also need space.
They might need a hug, but sadly, they may not even know what a cuddle is. Be patient with them, as they often struggle to understand their own feelings. It’s perfectly fine to teach them basic skills, like cooking or sewing. By teaching them these things, you will leave a lasting impact on their hearts.
7. Fostering a Child Means To Become an Advocate
Never expect that social services will always support what’s best for the child. As a foster parent, you often have more rights than the child, and the goal of social services is simply reunification. Therefore, it’s essential to advocate for the child.
Try to build a relationship with the biological parents and show compassion, as they likely need help too. Often, biological parents don’t know how to be parents, and social services don’t teach them. By creating a bond with the biological parents, you may remain in the child’s life even after they return home.
8. Be Consistent and Chill
Don’t be discouraged if you don’t experience reciprocity. Understand that they won’t engage with you in a neurotypical way, so give them space and be patient. However, be sure to provide simple rules and explain them repeatedly.
If the child can read, give them a card with your name, address, and phone number. It may take time for them to memorize this information. Avoid giving them special treats or separate food—adopted and biological kids should have the same meals. Take them with you on family vacations.
9. Hard Truth
Despite their difficult experiences, these children may still want to go home and live with you. While this is hard to understand, it’s the reality.
10. Fostering a Child is Never a Competition
Being a foster parent is not a competition. The more love these children experience, the better.
11. Have a Paper Trail
Document everything and organize it in folders. If you foster more than one child, keep a separate folder for each, properly labeled. This will make things easier to find later. Be open to establishing a relationship with the biological parents, seek advice, and ask questions. Remember, the ultimate goal is reunification.
12. Better Together
It’s important that siblings stay together. If you take one, you should take them all.
13. Have a Support System
You might not get much sleep for the first 30 days. To meet the child’s needs, find a trusted pediatric dentist and pediatrician. Take time to join foster parent support groups and communicate with your foster parent mentor. Don’t hesitate to advocate for the child.
14. Establish a Network
It’s a great idea to establish a network with other foster parents. Over time, you’ll find that these friendships can help maintain your sanity. There’s a lot you can discuss within the network, especially since these individuals understand your situation. A network can be invaluable when you need a night off, and most importantly, you’ll find amazing friends you can count on.
15. You Are a Source of Healing
Remember, you’re not doing this for yourself but for children with broken hearts. You become their great source of healing.
Conclusion
Being a foster parent can be challenging, but always remember that there is a support system you can lean on. It’s important to share your experiences with other foster parents, especially when advocating for the child’s best interests. Build a network with other foster parents and be open to forming a relationship with the biological parents. Above all, be patient with your foster child.
We hope these tips will be beneficial to both existing and prospective foster parents. Those considering fostering or adopting may find these insights helpful.
Courage Community Foster Care can help you learn more about the process of becoming a foster parent. For more information about our services, call us at 720-397-3387 or email us at meganf@fostercourage.com.
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