You’ve leapt through hoops and overcome the challenges of the adoption process. You even made it out alive with your heart still intact. In fact, it has even expanded tenfold! Your family has finally grown, and your child is safe and secure at home with you.
As thrilled as you are to see your child sleeping peacefully in his or her bed every night, you can’t help but worry that you don’t feel like a “family.” More than anything, you want your child to feel at ease. But you worry if that day will ever arrive.
These concerns are understandable! Courage Community Foster Care in Colorado wants you to know that it’s normal for adoptive parents to wonder if their new kid will ever adjust to their new life. We are here to help you! Developing a bond with your child is difficult, especially in the case of adoption. However, it is not impossible. You and your child can gradually build the connection you both seek with some patience, consistency, and creativity.
There are many ways to bond with your adopted child, and we will discuss some of those with you in this section.
Give them assurance
The first step toward establishing a strong relationship with your adopted child is to make sure that the child knows that you are his or her permanent parent. This can be done in a variety of ways, from telling your adopted child that you’ll always be there for him or her to being open about where the child will stay at night.
The most important thing is to make sure that your adopted child knows that he or she can trust you and always come to you when he or she needs something. This will help your adopted child build a foundation of security and trust, which will in turn allow your adopted child to open up and share his or her feelings.
Your child may be afraid that if they misbehave, your love may fade. Reassure your child that even if you are upset or they misbehaved in some way, your heart is still full of love.
Establish a routine
You and your adopted child need to establish a routine with one another. This routine will help you and your adopted child establish a strong bond and will help you and your adopted child feel more secure. As your adopted child gets older, it’s important to have a set schedule so that your child knows what to expect when he or she wakes up and goes to bed. Developing a routine will also help you and your adopted child to establish a healthy bedtime and wake-up schedule, which will set your child up for success in school.
A routine is simply a set of consistent and reliable practices. It is about planning so that when your child needs you, you will be there. It is about being there for your child, even when you are not physically with him.
Keep in mind that attachment will come in time
The rate at which your child adjusts is determined by their age. Adopted children under the age of six months may cry more frequently than usual, refuse to eat at times, and sleep for considerably fewer or more hours.
These habits are unrelated to your parenting abilities and will likely fade away in a few weeks. Meanwhile, give your baby as many cuddles as you can. Prepare yourself for difficulties if you adopt a child. Your child is likely to remember their prior caretakers and may even grieve as though a loved one has died.
This sense of loss may cause your child to act out and push boundaries as he or she begins to trust you. There is no defined timetable for bonding, and despite your best efforts, your child may still draw away and refuse to open up. They may not be open to receiving or offering you their love, but don’t be anxious! All wounds heal with time.
Do not hover, no matter how much you’d like to
Giving a child, especially a teen, their own space, is critical. Your child may have lacked privacy while in foster care. Allow him or her to have a personal place in which to spend time and respect that space. Before entering their rooms, knock on their door.
Let your child decorate their space. Adopted children must believe that their new home is their own and that they may stay there comfortably. By providing your child their own space, they will be more at ease in your home and gradually let down their guard.
Keep communication lines open
Communicate with your child frequently. Be present with him or her and respond to their needs. Keep communication channels open as much as possible! Your child may have a lot of inquiries.
These questions are a terrific approach to connect and start significant conversations that they will remember for years. You’ll also gain a better understanding of each other. Even if you have a hectic day ahead of you, try not to skip important family times, and you’ll find yourself bonding with your child more and more!
Get their opinion
Your child requires a sense of control in a life that has previously been chaotic. Have them choose a family meal each night, a weekly family activity, or a movie to watch. Giving your child a role in decision-making will help them feel acknowledged and valued.
Be careful what you say about their birth parents
Make sure you do not pronounce judgment on the birth parents while your child is around. Your adopted child is an individual, and they deserve your respect and kindness no matter what. Likewise, do not be scared to tell your child the truth about his or her past. Your child is an individual who can read between the lines to create an opinion!
Remember that rejection isn’t personal
Rejection is never personal. Rejection is a natural part of being adopted and a normal part of life. It is important to remember that rejection is not a personal attack; it’s simply another experience in your child’s life.
Rejection is part of the adoption journey and can be very difficult. However, it is also a sign that your adopted child is working on developing healthy self-esteem and growing into a healthy adult.
Adopting in Colorado
Forming a strong relationship with an adopted child is one of the most rewarding experiences a family can have. Before you can establish a meaningful and lasting bond with your adopted kid, you must accept and understand their experiences.
Contact Courage Community Foster Care for more information on adopting in Colorado. Our phone number is 719-321-4319.