Life as a parent seems to be always running. Time never stops for anyone. As parents, we try to do the best that we can in taking care of our children. However, when we feel like we are doing the best, we seldom have time to genuinely assess how well we are doing as a parent, in giving love and care to our children.
Yup, that is right. We need to give time to assess whether we are doing a good job as parents We have to do it well because how we do as parents will have positive effects or negative effects on our children.
You might be questioning, “Do I really have to give so much time to assess my parenting even if they are not my own?” Whether you have your own biological children, you adopted a child, or you decided to become a foster parent, the answer will always be – YES.
Time and time again, it will always stay true that a parent’s love is one of the most crucial factors in a child’s life that can impact their overall personality and outlook in life. Therefore, we must do everything that we can to make sure that we maintain a healthy and good relationship with our children.
Therefore, we would like to share with you how you can assess or determine whether you have a good relationship with your child. In the bottom part of this article, we will be giving you additional tips so you can build a better relationship with your foster or adopted child/children.
You Spend Quality Time With Your Child
As they say, quality is always better than quantity. A lot of the mistakes of parents come from their perception of quality time with their child. Yes, they do spend time with their child but the question is, “How did you spend your time with your child?”
Maybe you fulfilled your child’s wish of eating at this new Japanese restaurant they have always wanted to try. However, all throughout the dinner, you both were just using your phones. That is not quality time.
Rather, quality time can happen no matter what the place is for as long as you both give your undivided attention to each other. It is as simple as playing a board game with your child or checking in on them
Quality time is not about extraordinary days or occasions. It can happen even in the most ordinary days. It can even happen during a 15-minute car ride to school or it can take place at the dinner table.
Simple occasions given with value and undivided attention can turn into quality time. These moments are what your children will remember and will bring throughout their lives. It is not the moments you brought them to a fancy restaurant but didn’t speak with each other. Rather, it is buying ice cream when you were walking in the park, laughing.
You Let Your Child Take The Lead Sometimes
It is highly important that even at a young age, we allow the children to take the lead sometimes. It can be as simple as saying yes to the child’s idea of what to do during family day, what to eat for the Sunday eat out, and what kind of games to play.
Through these simple gestures of allowing them to take the lead, this gives them a positive feeling about themselves. They feel that they are trusted and that they are learning how to be more responsible. As much as we want to give our children all the “instructions” needed in this world, sometimes we need to lessen giving them directions and instructions. We need to let the children be sometimes. That gives them the feeling that their ideas and who they are as people are accepted by you, as their foster or adoptive parents.
Those are three simple signs that you have a healthy and good relationship with your child. If you feel like you haven’t hit all three, continue reading. We will be giving you more tips on how you can maintain and develop a healthy relationship with the child or children.
We understand that this is especially difficult for children who have had previous negative experiences with their own parents. However, we want to change that. That is the reason why we took them under our wings in the first place is so that we can give them the love that they deserve.
Therefore, if you feel like you need to learn more then allow yourself to be teachable. While parenting is learned naturally, as they say, there is nothing wrong with learning parenting through blogs, books, and seminars. Parenting is a skill and we can learn it.
How You Can Develop A Good Relationship With Your Child
Keep Your Promises
You may think the child will forget what you said, but when it mattered to them, they will never forget it. Be cautious of the promises you give them because children lose trust in people quickly when they realize they have been given too many false promises. So, keep your promises. If you promised them a simple snack out after school, do it. It will matter to them.
Developing a good relationship will take time especially with a child who has had a negative experience. Be still and continue to do what you can to develop and maintain that relationship. Always keep a positive and hopeful mind. Remember why you took this child under your wing in the first place to keep you going.
Schedule One-on-One Time Together
Face-to-face moments are always the best. They allow you to spend quality time with each other and really get to know each other deeply and intimately. If you have decided to adopt more than one child or be a foster parent of three siblings, they may not need equal time because children have different love languages.
Nevertheless, it is important to assess if you have spent enough one-on-one time with each other because the child or children will benefit from that special time with you.
Most of the time, they are most likely out in school and you are off to work. You might only see each other during car rides and during meal times. Therefore, make sure to make a special effort to spend that quality time with the child. Why not grab an ice cream? Or go to the movies together?
Give Positive Messages
While not everyone’s love language is words of affirmation, it is still important to be able to convey messages of positivity every once in a while. Feel free to offer them help with their school work. Show them that you are there to help them by also giving them words of encouragement and motivation. A simple pat in the back can also go a long way.
Nothing like hearing, “I’m proud of you!” From someone who matters.
Touches of Love
Children who come from a place where they were deprived of love maybe haven’t felt the physical touch of a parent who cares for them. However, make sure to time this properly as there is potential for this to be received poorly. They might be surprised at that gesture because they are not used to it. However, if you feel that they are already ready to receive it, give them a pat in the back, or a simple hug.
These touches of love will give them warmth in their body. The physical intimacy will suggest they you are accepting them and is willing to love them completely.
Offering support is basically answering the love language of acts of service. By offering support and help, you are able to give them the feeling that you will be there for them in whatever struggle they are going through. Your kid might be struggling with public speaking.
Why not set aside a few minutes after dinner and practice speaking with your child? Help them build that confidence. You will be able to help them with any obstacle they encounter. Show them that you believe in them so that they can believe in them as well.
Those are our 6 tips so that you can maintain and build a happy, healthy, and good relationship with your child. Trust the process and give the child the love that they have been deprived of.
If you want to be a foster parent or be an adoptive parent, give us a call at 719-321-4319 now.
Nothing like hearing, “I’m proud of you!” From someone who matters.